Uneventful Plane Ride

The travel gods were good to me today and we had a very non-eventful plane ride with LM. (Well, there one was one more poop incident - but after my train ride I delegated all en route diaper changes to D.) Two people actually thanked me afterward for "such a good baby." Maybe some of them were on the plane ride with us there and had traumatic memories of the screaming baby on that plane.

It feels good to be home - there are little tiny green shoots on the evergreen trees, the fruit trees are blossoming. Spring was just around the corner when I left and now it is finally here. Oh, and it's so nice to be back to the food here. I remember when I moved here, one of the "cultural differences" I noticed was a rather neurotic preoccupation with food. I think I am now one of those neurotic foodies. And that feels okay.

I have more to write, but I am so tired, and more importantly, so is LM.

How to Dissaude Random Strangers from Procreating

How to dissuade random strangers from procreating:

1. Book five-hour train trip with infant

2. Feed infant loads of fruit before trip

3. 40 minutes into train ride discover baby has pooped and change facilities are lacking.

4. Change baby on floor between seats, which are mercifully empty

5. 80 minutes into train ride change poopy diaper number two - no pun intended. Accidentally get poop all over your hands. Subtly try to wipe it off before other passengers see you.

6. Three hours into train ride change poopy diaper number three. Realise poop is all over babies clothes. While trying to dispose of diaper in barf bag, accidentally smear poop all over bag and hands. Leave half-naked baby on train floor as you try to rifle through your baggage for new clothes since for the first time in three weeks you have neglected to pack extra outfit.

7. Because of absence of garbage bags, spend next two hours sitting next to barf bags full of extremely stinky diapers. Avoid glances from the few train passengers who thankfully missed the naked baby show and are now quizzically trying to locate the source of foul smell.

8. In struggle to remove three suitcases, playpen, stroller, baby and car seat from train, accidentally forget poopy diaper bag on train.

Believe me, no one who sees this go down is going to be in any rush to have children.

Travelling as Three

We had our weekend away at D's retreat - the one that I was stressing about due to child care arrangements. I must say, my stress had dropped significantly in the past week, mainly because LM's sleep has gotten a lot better, and he doesn't seem to need to cluster feed in the evening anymore, so I knew I wouldn't be as stressed about him being hungry while I was gone.

So on the first night the nanny came a bit early; LM was in a bit of state, being very tired, but she kept talking to him so he'd get to know her voice. And she kept telling me how beautiful he was - bonus points already. Plus she gave him kisses. I know some people might be squeamish about that kind of attention from a stranger, but my biggest worry was that she'd be unsympathetic to his cries. So a nanny who was free with kisses was just the affectionate sort I was hoping for.

I nursed him just before leaving but he wouldn't take much. He settled nicely in the crib. Because we were away, he didn't really know he was in a crib and therefore was quite content to explore his (extremely sterile) new environment. If he'd known what it was, and that he was expected to sleep in it, I think he'd have kicked up quite a fuss. He's not the type of kid who will drift off if you put him in a crib awake, though he did that night.

I went in at 9:30 to check on him and he was still asleep, though apparently he had woken once and she'd played with him and put him back down. That was fine by me. I'd told her the goal wasn't to be strict about getting him to sleep, but to just to keep him as happy as possible, or at least to minimise unhappiness. She said she'd gotten him back to sleep by rocking the crib and shaking a toy over the crib as if it were a mobile. My presence woke him so I fed him and then went back to the party (actually - went for a soak in the hot tub.) When I got back to the room at 11 he was still asleep and didn't wake again until 2.

The next night we were a 15-minute walk away, but since the first night had gone so smoothly I was less stressed. He also had a long feed, so that made me feel better about being gone for four hours. But I still had my cell on the table the whole time and checked in obsessively. When I got back at 11, he was in her arms sleeping. She said "He just didn't like his bed." Aha - he'd figured out it was a crib! I tried to feed him but his lips remain pursed, so he was not hungry, though he did eventually wake and feed.

So all in all a success! I'm not in a huge rush to leave him again with a stranger, but D and I are going to start going out on dates a little more often. We actually had a date last week while he was with D's parents that was lovely.

In other news, you may be curious what we brought for a weekend away:

Here's the list:
-3 sleepers (one for each night, plus an extra in case of leakage)
-3 outfits (one for each day, plus one in case of leakage/drool etc.) (He also wore one there... so
I guess that's four outfits)
-2 pairs of socks
-1 bib - unused; but if we hadn't brought it he'd have been in drool mode, I'm sure!
-24 disposable diapers (didn't use all of them)
-3 receiving blankets (useful for mopping up drool, and lying underneath him)
-2 toys
-2 books
-a package of travel wipes
-bath ramp
-car seat (although the bus we went up in had no means of securing the seat; but he did nap in it and ride in it in the taxi, so that was good.)
-2 carriers - and we did use both
-sleeping bag; the hotel room was cold!
-fleecy blanket - used in it in the car seat and also for naps

What we didn't bring:
-Our stroller; we still don't use it that much as we really rely on the carriers. If we could have we'd have brought it, but given we were travelling by coach, it was too much hassle and I didn't really miss it.
-Pack and Play - we don't own one as our place is so small. He slept in the hotel crib. The crib was extremely low so it was hard to pick him up. It was also very hard. I know they're supposed to be firm, but this took it to a new level. They didn't supply a crib sheet, just a folded very thin blanket thing. We used our own blankets on top. Also, the bars were far apart so his hands stuck out through them, banging on them when he startled. Despite these drawbacks, he slept well in it during the day/evening (and slept with us at night) so no regrets on not having a Pack and Play.

I Didn't Think I'd Be One of Those

You know what's crazy? When I was 12, people used to pay me $10 an hour to take care of their children. At night. For hours. Alone. I'm not sure I was even allowed to be home alone at my own place when I was 12. Were they completely insane?

D's corporate retreat is coming up in a few weeks and I just got an e-mail from the admin person saying that sitters had been booked for Friday night so we can go to dinner. I was like, say what? I guess I should have anticipated that since obviously kids won't be coming to the formal dinner, but I am totally uncomfortable leaving LM with a stranger. For one thing, he won't take the bottle anymore (but that's a whole 'nother post). For another thing, he is a relatively demanding kid and it's quite possible he'd cry the whole time which would be hard on him and the sitter. For a third thing (and let's be honest, the main factor here), I am a neurotic parent who spends way too much time on youtube and message boards reading memorials to victims of shaken baby syndrome.

It's not that I'm unwilling to be apart from him - I do leave him at least a couple of times a week to do errands, go to yoga, etc. So despite the bottle and screaming issues, I'd happily leave him with friends or relatives, or even a paid nanny if I knew her - but a strange sitter? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And I'm not sure if this attributes too much cognition to a three-month old, but I think he'd be scared in strange surroundings and with a stranger. He does know the difference between me/D and others and often cries until he is returned to me/D. I realise there's a school of thought who encourages acclimatising them to strangers so they learn to deal, and I used to believe that too. But now I kind of think that forcing that kind of interaction could be more traumatic than helpful and that at this stage in his life, it's completely unnecessary in our situation.

Before I was a parent, I never thought I'd be this protective, but I guess you surprise yourself. I wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash in the hands of a hotel employee, and LM is worth loads more than that to me.

D is understanding, but would prefer I did not skip out on dinner and the retreat is two hours away so known sitters are not an option. So tell me honestly - what would you do? When was the first time you left your child with a complete stranger (albeit a stranger who's been screened by a nanny agency and who you can hang out with for an hour beforehand)?

Checking In

We are in the middle of a radical heat wave - wow. I ache to go to the beach.

I went to a wedding this past weekend, which was amazing. It was very lovely and heartfelt with all sorts of personal touches. I saw all sorts of old friends who I haven't visited in years and it's amazing how quickly things can seem normal again.

I really enjoy this part of being pregnant - people are so happy for us, and they're always extending well-wishes and sharing their stories. Last night the waiter at an upscale restaurant told us how the birth of his child was the most amazing moment of his life. People are just kind to me, and us. I understand now what my friend says when she says she misses her belly. It made no sense before, since I was really not enjoying pregnancy for the first 20-odd weeks.

Anyway, back to work.

Griping

I am feeling mildly annoyed - okay more than a little - I'll admit there may have been some hormonal tears shed. I'm flying out for a friend's wedding in two weeks - we're each taking 2 days off. I now find out that D is not invited to the Friday night events as it is limited to close friends only, not their significant others. So him having taken off the whole day to be there was somewhat pointless. Irritating since he only has 2 weeks vacation this year (criminal, isn't it?) and that day was 10% of it. I knew we should have done the red-eye Friday night. Damn.

We're now looking into changing his flight, which will likely cost several hundred, but you can't put a price on those vacation days. Then again if he does change it I'll have to fly out alone and negotiate the unfamiliar area and the hotel solo. It shouldn't daunt me at all since I've travelled alone a lot before, but I just have no energy for it now and am feeling mildly stressed about flying at 30 weeks. I shouldn't let this bother me as much as I did, but I'm in a mood.

I had Indian food tonight with some friends of my uncle, including a girl a few years younger than me. She's one of those pixie-ish girls with cute clothes and good hair. "I hope you're pregnant," she said when she saw me. I laughed, "Yes, I am." Later when I said I was 6 months along, her eyes popped out and she said "You mean you still have 3 months to go?" I am not really that big - am measuring right on schedule - half a week behind even - and all the weight is on my belly, not elsewhere. But 100 people can tell you look great when you're pregnant and it only takes one insensitive comment to make you feel like a beluga.

Also, my stomach muscles have separated... diastasis recti - anyone know what you're supposed to do about that? Or what you're not supposed to do? I do avoid putting pressure on my abs and try to roll when I'm on my back, but is there anything I can do to, you know, put them back together?

Anyway I'm off to curl up with a fat, fat, fat book about the life and times of Josephine Bonaparte - these days, I love reading historical fiction - puts it all in perspective, you know?

May Weekend

Have been MIA, enjoying a week of relative peace and quiet before I start my bar course tomorrow! Agh! Funny how whenever I have free time, I write less.

We had an amazing long weekend staying at a little B&B out of town - a little "babymoon" before I get too big and unwieldy. The b&b had an enormous soaker tub, which I love. I had three long, delicious baths. We spent much time outside on the water and hitchhiked around the countryside, a very accepted practice in those parts. We ate early and fell asleep very tired.

The owner of the inn was a sweet and delightful woman and told us what a lucky baby we have to have such nice parents. Awww... D pored over baby books and read me aloud tips from a book for Dads that I got him (one of the few I've found that isn't written as if men are complete imbeciles, but very heavy on sports metaphors.)

Now I am pleasantly tired and getting ready to eat some stew before an early bedtime.

Competition

I have been in Toronto - actually I AM in Toronto, with just a few short hours until I can take a shuttle to the airport and be home again. I don't mind flying once you get through security - it can be a pleasant feeling to turn over control to someone else. The time passes quickly so long as you've got a decent book, or those individual TV sets which are more and more common even in coach.

The hotel we are staying in Toronto has the most atrocious air quality. I've had a headache since I arrived five days ago, though maybe it's the pressure change and not just the air. But I left the window open for a good hour the other night and the temperature in our small hotel room only changed a degree or so, so I think there's just no circulation.

We got to the finals in our moot competition. A moot consists of arguing a fake case before a panel of judges who ask you probing questions and try to make you uncomfortable. I was the worst speaker on my team (of four), at least the points we got indicated that. It kind of surprised me since I don't really have any aversion to public speaking. The judges told me I don't have a very good poker face, which is true. I definitely had an uphill battle as we were arguing the less sympathetic side. To my credit though, I was arguing from a paper written by someone else since the original mooter resigned and I was a not-quite-11th-hour (9th hour?) replacement.

In the finals, my partner and I had to go, though we were the weaker half. Although I was terrified of letting down our team, that opportunity was good closure, because we did the best we have so far, at least I thought so. We still haven't seen the points for that round. We still lost the finals, but we came in fourth overall, which is quite respectable. Means we have something to hang on the wall back at school.

Anyway, that's why I've been MIA.

The end of the holidays

Today is the first day of classes. Not for me though, my slacker schedule has me free on Mondays, which is kind of nice. It delays reality a little longer. We had a wonderful, if exhausting, seven days in the Caribbean over Christmas. My immediate family was also there. We saw lots of critters, including two gorgeous dolphins playing in the waves, and a very large crocodile. We stayed at a really nice little hotel; it was sort of a rustic deluxe thing - no air conditioning, no fancy pool, no enormous white sand beach, but just a bunch of brightly coloured cottages with decks that looked right over the ocean.

I had the usual spats with my brothers and mother; something about them does bring out a very anal side of me. My mother called it "holier-than-thou." But D, who never hesitates to call me on it when I'm being a tad unreasonable, did side with me at most times (although never speaks up then!); he's sort of a sanity barometre. My family loves to complain about everything - the food, the service, the rooms. And while I'm not averse to a little gripe session myself, as this blog, even this paragraph, no doubt affirms, I like to turn off my critical side when I'm IN PARADISE! All they want to do is sit around the cottage and listen to music, or read alone at the bar. And oh lord, they drink - they really pack it away. Oops, there's my holier-than-thou side coming through. I will stop.

Last weekend D's job had a retreat; spouses were generously permitted to tag along and enjoy the very nice accommodation and tasty meals. D works with a lot of young folks and I think that must be a lot of fun. It's quite a different atmosphere from the staid law firm world where the median age is over 40. I don't think anyone at D's firm, partners included, has even hit 40 yet.

Yes, the party scene was a little different at the retreat than what I've seen so far in my profession. The partners showed up at a basement dance club and were grooving with the best of them. Can't say I've seen that (nor would I necessarily want to) where I work. But then a lot of people who enter the legal profession have similar personality traits; we all have a dose of Type-A-ness. It's a well-paying job and many of us, if we are honest, have entered the professional at least partly because of that, yet we're not the type of people who have the sort of creativity and tolerance for risk that you find in entrepreneurs. All of this doesn't necessarily add up to a crew who likes to hit the trendy spots or the up-and-coming after-hours. Now that I think about it, law parties are a lot like civil servant parties. Hmm - something to ponder on in the future - whether or not choosing a job based on the party scene is a good or bad life strategy. I can see some good arguments for doing so, but it's certainly not the path I've taken!

I've been battling a cold - it hasn't hit yet, but I've got the sneezes and a general grogginess, tummy ache, headache. I got my flu shot, so I hope it preserves me from anything truly awful. Part of me wonders if perhaps we made a little Jamaica Mistaica when we were on holiday and if that's what's making me feel so strange. It would be absolutely terrible timing work-wise, money-wise etc. But I'm sure a little part of me will be sad if my suspicion is wrong. Plus, it gives me an excuse to surf the net for two- and three-bedroom homes for sale, which is always fun.