Confrontation

I probably sounded a little more negative in my last post than I really intended. I actually feel very positive about this little girl, and all her little kicks, punches and twists. However, I won't deny there is still a tiny bit of anxiety that arises from time to time and because it's not something I really want to unload on my relatives and friends, I use this place to blow off a little steam. But as an indicator of my optimism, I have bought three, not overly girly but still slightly feminine, pieces of clothing in the last week. The tiny bit of worry I have left does make me a little more anxious to meet her. But I'm trying not to wish away these last few months of pregnancy, and of LM's only child status.

On an entirely different note, I had a fight with my mother this morning. It's funny - I don't shy away from confrontation. D and I argue. My brother and I argue. And I argue at work all the time. But they're usually pretty clean arguments, easily resolved and not ones where I go to bed angry. My mother and I are very close; she does a ton for LM and helps us out a lot. I probably talk to her 3 to 4 times a week.

Last night D, our family, plus my younger brother and his fiance, all had dinner. At her own suggestion, she brought food over here. D helped her make it, and I lay on the sofa, admittedly like a lump, because I was feeling my usual evening pregnancy tiredness. Evenings have been rough for me since the start of this pregnancy, but I will admit that I could have been more helpful. Then we all ate, raved about how good it was, and talked. I asked her not clean up, saying we'd do it later, but she did anyway. My future sister-in-law gave us a beautiful quilt she made for the new baby and we all oohed over that. Then my mother gave LM a bath; I don't think I asked her to do it, but I might have hinted. Honestly, I thought she would have wanted to because she won't see him for several weeks, but maybe that's rude. After the bath, mum stood around and sulked and I asked her if she was upset. She said she was not. And then she left. Little Bro and I pondered what might be the matter, and decided not to try and guess. She is prone to sulkiness (for example, at my older brother's WEDDING, at Christmas dinner and many other recent occasions). Most of time, she won't ever confess what it was about.

Today she calls me from the airport and tells me she's "hurt" I didn't talk to her more, and that I take her for granted. She said we spent too much time talking about things that did not interest her and people she does not know. That totally surprised me. I'd like to think I have some degree of emotional intelligence, and I don't think we "left her out" in anyway. But she claimed I didn't talk to her and only chatted with my brother's fiance (who was sitting next to me, as opposed to my mother who sat on the other end of the table).

My reaction was not very apologetic. I was a bit defensive about my behaviour, and then I said something about her being unfair. I wrapped it up with a comment about how she "brings it upon herself". At that point she either hung up, or we got disconnected. I'm not sure, but I wasn't able to get through to her afterward. I did, however, leave her a rational message wishing her a safe trip.

I am beyond annoyed about it. I find her behaviour quite childish. But at the same time, I feel sorry for her. I know she's probably lonely. She's been single for 20 years, and her sister and brother are both dead. She has friends and work, but few extremely close friends. She has this fixation on Little Bro and him not being attentive enough to her, which she complains about to me all the time. I am finding it increasingly find hard to sympathise with. For a guy in his 20s, my younger brother is actually remarkably considerate. He's not as fawning as my older brother, but then my older brother is 35, and has a few years more of life experience.

I feel guilty too - she DOES do a lot for us, and particularly LM, and I know we take that for granted. But I just feel these particular criticisms were unwarranted and the way she told me did nothing to make me sympathise more with her point of view.

She's gone now for two weeks and I have no means of contacting her other than e-mail, so I am trying very hard to write a rationale, non-defensive e-mail - to say I'm sorry for how she feels without either making excuses or admitting to something I don't think I've done. I don't think I'm quite there yet.