Bad Dreams and Good Dreams

Had a terrible nightmare this morning that I was bleeding and bleeding. There were all these people at my house and I kept yelling at them to leave, and I couldn't find the midwife's number anywhere and D was ignoring me. Then I realised it was just a dream and I woke up. Only I was still dreaming, and in the second dream I was still bleeding and increasingly frantic at D. There were more people at the house and they just wouldn't leave. I finally found the midwife's number, but couldn't make it out. Then I woke up for real and immediately ran to the bathroom where everything was fine.

I had another, more pleasant dream a week or so ago in which the baby was a boy. When I woke up I immediately knew his name, and have secretly been calling it that ever since.

The little beetle started kicking on Christmas Day. I'm pretty sure I felt it before then, but I was not 100% sure. It's funny, last time I felt it earlier despite an anterior placenta. But this time it came later, even though I suspect my placenta is in it's normal spot. (My belly was ALWAYS lopsided on one side last time, no matter how baby was positioned, and I'm convinced that was the placenta.) Anyway since then kicky monster has been giving me lots of little nudges, which I adore.

You know what annoys me? How many people assume I would prefer if it were a girl. I told my father-in-law that I thought it was a boy and he said something like "But I'm sure you'd be happier if it wasn't." Huh?

With my first pregnancy I was convinced LM was a girl, and I was a little surprised to see all those boy bits. But I never regretted his boyness or wished he was a girl. Frankly, at a toddler age, there may be some differences between boys and girls, but also a lot of variability in personality. Aside from the fact that no one gives me pink clothing, I don't think it makes a huge difference right now. There are girls at LM's daycare far more rambunctious than he is. And while he adores trucks/trains and transportation, so do many girls I know. Obviously this difference will enhance as he gets older, and there are no doubt advantages and disadvantages on either side. But I have two brothers, D is one of three boys, my father was one of four boys. I'm very comfortable with boys and quite thrilled to have another one, or two.

On a pregnancy message board I'm on, so many of the women talk about hoping for a girl. And they always have such dumb reasons, like "the clothes for girls are so much cuter." Frankly, I'm quite happy to bypass the Suri Cruise high heels and the princess gear. And while boys clothes can be annoying (think exploding snowboarders or race cars splashed across everything) there's plenty of cute stuff too. Not that shopping selection is a reason to wish for either gender - I'm not even sure why I'm talking about clothes, except that the gendered nature of baby clothes is a pet peeve of mine.

All this to say - I love my little guy and am fairly convinced I'm having another. That said, I'm not placing too much stock in my hunch given how wrong I was last time. After my bleeding dream, I'm just hoping that on my big ultrasound next week I see a nice, active, healthy little baby. And we won't be asking about the sex.