Down the Hatch
Too much works = really bad blogger.
One thing I did do recently was order a couple of parenting books. I kept hearing the words "No! Stop! Don't Do That!" come out of my mouth and it was getting depressing. One of the books is the Harvey Karp book about "Happiest Toddler on the Block." The other is "Talking So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" or something like that. I haven't had much of a chance to get past the first chapters for the reasons above, but I am getting some good info.
Both books emphasis the importance of letting your child know you understand what they want. Tell them what they are wanting - and then deny! Seems kind of cruel, doesn't it? But the weird thing is it seems to work.
Sample conversation a week ago:
Me: Time to go inside.
LM: No.
Me: Yes, it's dinner time.
LM: NO!!
Me: One more minute, then time to go eat yummy dinner!
Me: Okay, time to go. Don't you want some pasta? You love pasta?
LM: (Squeaking) NOOOOOOOO!!!!! OUSSSIDE! OUSSIDE! (Tears, flailing etc.)
New method:
Me: Time to go inside.
LM: No.
Me: Yes, it's dinner time.
LM: NO!!
Me: You want to stay outside don't you? You love playing outside? You'd really like to be outside all night wouldn't you?
LM: Yeah!
Me: I know you love to play outside but we have to go in for dinner. Do you want some dinner?
LM: ... (Comes inside without too much protest)
I have no idea why it works, but it does! Who knew a 21 month old craved validation? I will admit, it feels kinda dorky at times. ("You love the bubble bath don't you? You love pouring Mummy's $30 bubble bath straight into the sink? Isn't it fun to see all those bubbles go down the drain? But baby, there's no Sephora in this 'hood, so we've got to save that stuff!") But I've defused a dozen tantrums, at least.
One of the Karp methods failed though - he suggests growling and clapping to get a child to stop doing something as opposed to yelling "NO!" which never seems to work. He claims it is extremely effective. But the growl didn't work for me - just made LM laugh devilishly and keep on shovelling rocks in his mouth. I'm pretty sure at least one of them went straight down the hatch too. I've been watching for its exit.
One thing I did do recently was order a couple of parenting books. I kept hearing the words "No! Stop! Don't Do That!" come out of my mouth and it was getting depressing. One of the books is the Harvey Karp book about "Happiest Toddler on the Block." The other is "Talking So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" or something like that. I haven't had much of a chance to get past the first chapters for the reasons above, but I am getting some good info.
Both books emphasis the importance of letting your child know you understand what they want. Tell them what they are wanting - and then deny! Seems kind of cruel, doesn't it? But the weird thing is it seems to work.
Sample conversation a week ago:
Me: Time to go inside.
LM: No.
Me: Yes, it's dinner time.
LM: NO!!
Me: One more minute, then time to go eat yummy dinner!
Me: Okay, time to go. Don't you want some pasta? You love pasta?
LM: (Squeaking) NOOOOOOOO!!!!! OUSSSIDE! OUSSIDE! (Tears, flailing etc.)
New method:
Me: Time to go inside.
LM: No.
Me: Yes, it's dinner time.
LM: NO!!
Me: You want to stay outside don't you? You love playing outside? You'd really like to be outside all night wouldn't you?
LM: Yeah!
Me: I know you love to play outside but we have to go in for dinner. Do you want some dinner?
LM: ... (Comes inside without too much protest)
I have no idea why it works, but it does! Who knew a 21 month old craved validation? I will admit, it feels kinda dorky at times. ("You love the bubble bath don't you? You love pouring Mummy's $30 bubble bath straight into the sink? Isn't it fun to see all those bubbles go down the drain? But baby, there's no Sephora in this 'hood, so we've got to save that stuff!") But I've defused a dozen tantrums, at least.
One of the Karp methods failed though - he suggests growling and clapping to get a child to stop doing something as opposed to yelling "NO!" which never seems to work. He claims it is extremely effective. But the growl didn't work for me - just made LM laugh devilishly and keep on shovelling rocks in his mouth. I'm pretty sure at least one of them went straight down the hatch too. I've been watching for its exit.
Labels: motherhood, toddler
posted by grass @ 11:00 PM
3 Comments:
At 8:30 AM ,
Good Timing said...
"You love pouring Mummy's $30 bubble bath straight into the sink? Isn't it fun to see all those bubbles go down the drain? But baby, there's no Sephora in this 'hood, so we've got to save that stuff!" "
LOVE this!!!! Sooo funny and so true. Good luck with the books, it sounds like the one technique is really working for you. I hope your work load lessens a bit for you.
At 5:29 PM ,
Boys Live Here! said...
Hilarious entry. I love Karp, but agree some of it feels just way too 9th grade drama class for me to partake in the method fully. The 'so your kids will talk' book is geared more toward older kids, but still worth reading now. (I also recommend "Hold On To Your Kids") I've found the validation/sympathizing and then distracting/moving on with enthusiasm works well, too, for what it's worth. I think that's as good as it gets at this stage. :)
At 6:16 PM ,
portia said...
LOL. It's kind of like restating a customer's problem in customer service. Putting it into words allows them to calm down a bit cause someone's listening to their beef. :)
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