Happy Chaos
My last few posts have been rather depressing, but I am hoping that the horrific start to this year is now over.
In other ways, life is very, very sweet. I feel like I'm kind of hitting my stride in terms of balancing the work/mother thing. I no longer feel guilty about the time LM spends in daycare. For a long time I resisted thinking that it's a "good thing" for kids to be in daycare and I still don't subscribe to the idea that a child is better off there. But I'm starting to realise there are advantages. He loves the other children and 'talks' about them constantly and I think he gets a lot out of being there.
Despite all the trouble we had finding a place for him to go, I am so pleased with the situation we have. The woman who cares for him is so wonderfully patient and loving. I've watched her defuse arguments between the children, and she's totally the mother I want to be. (Mind you, she has lots more experience as her kids are grown!) And she talks to the older ones with such respect and kindness, answering their questions with an appropriate mix of gravity and mirth. While her home is modest, she keeps them busy at the community centre and other spots. And really, what more do kids need than some toys, some books and each other? So it's not the major centre I briefly envisioned him at, but I'm actually pleased about that. LM forms very strong attachments and for him this works wonderfully. He literally leaps into the woman's arms at the start of the day. It's really rid me of any guilty I might otherwise feel because it's as if I'm leaving him with a surrogate grandmother.
Work is fine. I am very busy these days but I am learning to find balance there too - to say no if necessary and to realise when something is urgent or not really.
And life is just good. Even on the tough days, I find myself able to find joy in the small things. I'm rarely super-stressed. And for someone who's dealt with a heap of depression and anxiety issues in my past, I feel pretty proud of that given that first few years of law career + working mother could easily be the most stressful time of my life. But I feel in control, at least most days - and what else could I ask for than that?
Oh and LM finally started walking! It only took 18 months but he's full on racing now! I can't believe my baby is now really a little toddler now. He does and says something adorable every day. This one was taken awhile ago when he would only walk holding our hand.
In other ways, life is very, very sweet. I feel like I'm kind of hitting my stride in terms of balancing the work/mother thing. I no longer feel guilty about the time LM spends in daycare. For a long time I resisted thinking that it's a "good thing" for kids to be in daycare and I still don't subscribe to the idea that a child is better off there. But I'm starting to realise there are advantages. He loves the other children and 'talks' about them constantly and I think he gets a lot out of being there.
Despite all the trouble we had finding a place for him to go, I am so pleased with the situation we have. The woman who cares for him is so wonderfully patient and loving. I've watched her defuse arguments between the children, and she's totally the mother I want to be. (Mind you, she has lots more experience as her kids are grown!) And she talks to the older ones with such respect and kindness, answering their questions with an appropriate mix of gravity and mirth. While her home is modest, she keeps them busy at the community centre and other spots. And really, what more do kids need than some toys, some books and each other? So it's not the major centre I briefly envisioned him at, but I'm actually pleased about that. LM forms very strong attachments and for him this works wonderfully. He literally leaps into the woman's arms at the start of the day. It's really rid me of any guilty I might otherwise feel because it's as if I'm leaving him with a surrogate grandmother.
Work is fine. I am very busy these days but I am learning to find balance there too - to say no if necessary and to realise when something is urgent or not really.
And life is just good. Even on the tough days, I find myself able to find joy in the small things. I'm rarely super-stressed. And for someone who's dealt with a heap of depression and anxiety issues in my past, I feel pretty proud of that given that first few years of law career + working mother could easily be the most stressful time of my life. But I feel in control, at least most days - and what else could I ask for than that?
Oh and LM finally started walking! It only took 18 months but he's full on racing now! I can't believe my baby is now really a little toddler now. He does and says something adorable every day. This one was taken awhile ago when he would only walk holding our hand.
posted by grass @ 8:05 PM
1 Comments:
At 7:24 AM ,
kaitlyn said...
Wow!! 18 months, it's hard to believe! I agree with you about daycare. It doesn't replace the need for a strong home life, but finding the right caregivers is a blessing, I swear they are angels. I'm glad things are good with you, despite everything. And you should feel proud of yourself! Being a working mom is no small thing. :)
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