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I have thought about that last post a bunch of times and debated taking it down, because it's really not my secret to share. But after nearly erasing it a couple of times, I've decided that the likelihood of anyone who knew my aunt stumbling across this blog and piecing together that it was her is slim to none.
I did some inquiring with the one person who I thought would know - just hinting and testing the waters. I guess I'm transparent because she verified that yes, 40 years ago my aunt put a child up for adoption. She got pregnant and was shipped off by her parents to one of those homes for unwed mothers. Her child, a boy, was born and sent out for adoption. Only one or two people in this whole world know about it, although I have widened that by telling my brother (and, I guess, you.)
It's shaken me pretty profoundly for several reasons. First, how could our family keep such a secret? We're so bland. I never in a million years would have guessed that she was hiding something like that. I think of my pregnancy and talking it over with her and getting her to feel the kicks, and never realising that she had been through that herself too. I think of her holding LM, I think of talking to her about the man she loved, her inability to have children - I can't believe it never once came up. She wasn't exactly one to keep secrets - she talked so openly about everything. Either she was extremely ashamed or harboured a lot of sadness about it.
Second, how on earth could my grandparents have done that to her? It makes me very angry with them. They were perfectly well-off and certainly could have supported her. The thought of being sent somewhere to be pregnant and give birth alone, and then to have your baby taken away, well, it fills me with sadness. To think my grandparents were so embarrassed by it that they hid it. It's gross. I wasn't there and don't know the details of how it was arranged, but the whole idea makes me feel sick.
Yet it explains so many things... she didn't exactly have the happiest life and I can't help but wonder if this wasn't part of the reason why.
And of course, it makes me sad that this child will never get the chance to meet her and she will never meet him. Apparently she did put her name on a registry, or try to contact him a couple of times, but nothing ever came of it. Maybe he didn't want to meet her - I know not everyone does. I'm probably being slightly dishonest in feeling sad for him - I also feel sad for me. It's selfish, but I would like to meet him. Somehow I don't think that will ever happen.
I did some inquiring with the one person who I thought would know - just hinting and testing the waters. I guess I'm transparent because she verified that yes, 40 years ago my aunt put a child up for adoption. She got pregnant and was shipped off by her parents to one of those homes for unwed mothers. Her child, a boy, was born and sent out for adoption. Only one or two people in this whole world know about it, although I have widened that by telling my brother (and, I guess, you.)
It's shaken me pretty profoundly for several reasons. First, how could our family keep such a secret? We're so bland. I never in a million years would have guessed that she was hiding something like that. I think of my pregnancy and talking it over with her and getting her to feel the kicks, and never realising that she had been through that herself too. I think of her holding LM, I think of talking to her about the man she loved, her inability to have children - I can't believe it never once came up. She wasn't exactly one to keep secrets - she talked so openly about everything. Either she was extremely ashamed or harboured a lot of sadness about it.
Second, how on earth could my grandparents have done that to her? It makes me very angry with them. They were perfectly well-off and certainly could have supported her. The thought of being sent somewhere to be pregnant and give birth alone, and then to have your baby taken away, well, it fills me with sadness. To think my grandparents were so embarrassed by it that they hid it. It's gross. I wasn't there and don't know the details of how it was arranged, but the whole idea makes me feel sick.
Yet it explains so many things... she didn't exactly have the happiest life and I can't help but wonder if this wasn't part of the reason why.
And of course, it makes me sad that this child will never get the chance to meet her and she will never meet him. Apparently she did put her name on a registry, or try to contact him a couple of times, but nothing ever came of it. Maybe he didn't want to meet her - I know not everyone does. I'm probably being slightly dishonest in feeling sad for him - I also feel sad for me. It's selfish, but I would like to meet him. Somehow I don't think that will ever happen.
Labels: family
posted by grass @ 9:20 PM
1 Comments:
At 8:24 AM ,
LL said...
Of course you're shaken profoundly, I'm shaken profoundly and I don't even know you or your family! I just can't even imagine... I'd be angry at your grandparents too, sad for your aunt, sad for her son, sad for myself. The whole story makes me want to give Landon a very big hug. I'm sorry you're having to find all this out and deal with it almost entirely on your own, I would never have thought being executor would be so emotionally difficult.
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