Back At 'Er

The first few days back at work have begun since I am doing my training. I have now spent two full days away from LM. It's been easier and harder than I thought. I haven't missed him as much as I expected during the day - oh, sure there was that initial moment of panic when I was waiting in the lobby before the day started. I saw a pregnant woman, and you know how pregnant women have that sort of air of superiority about them? They have that look that says, sure, what you're doing is sort of important, but I'm generating LIFE here. Well, suddenly that pregnant woman I saw really intimated me, even though I haven't felt that way since I got pregnant myself. Without LM by my side I felt stripped down and insecure.

But mostly I've been fine; I haven't felt the need to dash back to see him on my lunch-break or to phone constantly. It's felt nice to be in the company of adults again.

The hardest part is when I get home, even though it's also the best part. LM is so thrilled to see me, and I love that. But I have no idea what he's done, when he slept, or whether he's eaten. His whole day is a mystery to me and as such his needs are too. Usually my day is based around the minutiae of his sleeping patterns. Suddenly I feel like only D knows what's going on and I suddenly need him to instruct me on all manner of things; but D's still in the habit of asking me if LM should eat, sleep et cetera, so together we're the blind leading the blind. I guess we'll get used to that and it won't feel so strange not to know every little thing he's been doing all day. That makes me a little sad though.

My other issue is LM's eating - he refuses the bottle all day while I am gone; today that meant he drank only a couple of ounces in almost 11 hours; he did get some solids down. I'll try fresh milk tomorrow as yesterday and today it was frozen stuff, carefully shipped out here with an ice-pack in my checked luggage. Frozen has never been an issue in the past, but perhaps he is refining his pallette. But if that doesn't work, I'm not sure what to do. Maybe I should just relax and just make sure there's lots of opportunity to feed before and after work; I guess he won't starve himself.

Pumping at work has been a challenge too - I'm using someone's office to do it, which is a little awkward. It's especially awkward when you accidentally don't seal that storage bag tightly enough and drip milk all over the occupant's address book... I've also got to wear mega pads to ensure no leakage as the only real opportunity to pump is at lunch and that's quite a long stretch for me. I come in with a padded B-cup and leave with a double D. I'm hoping there will be a better option at my own office, but there may not be since all our offices have glass that permits people to see into them. I may end up in ladies' room or something which will not be conducive to maintaining a bottle-a-day supply as I had hoped. But then if LM doesn't take the bottles I guess it's all moot anyway and maybe it's fine just to let my day supply go.