Do Not Call Me!

One of the crappy things about being home much of the day is the nine million and four telemarketing calls I have to field. I used to work as a telemarketer, for about four hours (before hiding in a bathroom stall and leaving while we were all on our scheduled "break"), so I know what a miserable plight it is to be cold-calling. But the sheer volume of calls means I have no patience to be nice to them anymore.

MBNA Mastercard alone calls me about four times a week, and I get about two or three calls a week from various charities who always, jarringly, call me by my first name. "Hi, Grass?" I'm not much of one for standing on ceremony, but when they do that then I think it's some buddy of mine and I feel compelled to be friendly. Lately I've taken to saying "Who is this?" in a rude voice, but of course a couple of times it has actually been a friend, and then I'm embarrassed.

If I were less compulsive, I'd just screen all my calls. But I'm like the Dustin Hoffman character in Moonlight Mile - I can't not pick up the phone. The only time I don't is when LM is in the bath, and even then, it kills me. So it's doubly annoying when I've rushed for the phone only to find that there's no one there at all - just dead air because some computer miscalculated how many calls their centre can handle. They're not supposed to be allowed to do that but they do, at least once a day.

Canada's laws on telemarketing are pretty toothless. While organisations are obliged to keep their own do not call lists, there is as of yet, no national one. It is, apparently,no-call list being launched in September but even that contains a number of exceptions, for example, for companies with whom you have an existing relationship. Which means the 3 "courtesy calls" that D got this week from CIBC will continue.

After complaining to a friend about the myriad of calls I get, he suggested I threaten to call the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission. So yesterday when MBNA called me, this is what I said.

MBNA: Hello, is Grass there?
Me: Who is this?
MBNA: Oh, it's MBNA Mastercard calling about your...
Me: I want to get on your Do Not Call List.
MBNA: But ma'am [suddenly the first name is dropped] I don't understand. I'm calling about your existing platinum ... [trying to invoke the "existing business relationship" rule]
Me: I don't have an existing platinum account. Seriously, I want to be put on the Do Not Call list or I will be calling the CRTC.
MBNA: Alright then; I will make a note of that. Please allow at least 50 days for your number to be removed from lists already provided to ongoing marketing campaigns.
Me: Bye.

So it worked - sort of. We'll see.