No Sissies Get Your Love
I've noticed that a lot of the mothers I meet have this tendency to brush it off when their babies cry from pain. For example, if a baby falls on his face and starts to cry, his mother will just say "You're fine, it was nothing" and distract him instead of giving him a kiss or a hug. I've seen it happen many times, and I must say, I think it's really weird. When their babies cry from hunger, fatigue or other reasons, they are clearly affected and respond immediately, so I find their reaction in those situations really interesting.
I understand the desire not to make a big deal out of injuries. A couple of times I've failed to catch LM before he topples from his still wobbly sitting position (we have hardwood floors, so I have to do a lot of catching). When that happens, I try to wait and gauge his reaction before assuming he's hurt. About half the time he recovers just fine. But the other half of the time he does cry and I assume he is genuinely sore or at the very least, unpleasantly surprised. So I pick him up and give him a hug until he stops crying or calms down a bit.
If the child is upset and in pain, what's the harm in offering some comfort and validating the feelings. If I stubbed my toe and screamed "Damn, f*ck, damn" I'd would be pretty pissed if D said "You're fine, you're fine, it was nothing." I suppose the fear is that the child will become a crybaby and will cry for a reaction. I'm not sure if that fear is unfounded or not. I have a very distinct memory from around age 5, of falling and skinning my knee. I got up and examined the wound. Then I noticed my mother across the grass and started crying. It was almost as if it didn't hurt until I saw her.
Now maybe I was crying for reaction or maybe it was delayed pain. I'm sure if she hadn't been there, I'd have recovered on my own. But even if that is so, who cares? It hasn't made my pain threshold remarkably low, or made me incapable of recovering on my own from injuries I got as adult. Hell, I went to my junior prom right after tearing several ligaments in my wrist. I pushed a baby out without drugs. I wrote my corps exam with an all-out migraine (didn't get a very good mark, mind you). Besides, as a child, is there anything more delicious than melting into your parent's arms when you've hurt yourself?
I understand the desire not to make a big deal out of injuries. A couple of times I've failed to catch LM before he topples from his still wobbly sitting position (we have hardwood floors, so I have to do a lot of catching). When that happens, I try to wait and gauge his reaction before assuming he's hurt. About half the time he recovers just fine. But the other half of the time he does cry and I assume he is genuinely sore or at the very least, unpleasantly surprised. So I pick him up and give him a hug until he stops crying or calms down a bit.
If the child is upset and in pain, what's the harm in offering some comfort and validating the feelings. If I stubbed my toe and screamed "Damn, f*ck, damn" I'd would be pretty pissed if D said "You're fine, you're fine, it was nothing." I suppose the fear is that the child will become a crybaby and will cry for a reaction. I'm not sure if that fear is unfounded or not. I have a very distinct memory from around age 5, of falling and skinning my knee. I got up and examined the wound. Then I noticed my mother across the grass and started crying. It was almost as if it didn't hurt until I saw her.
Now maybe I was crying for reaction or maybe it was delayed pain. I'm sure if she hadn't been there, I'd have recovered on my own. But even if that is so, who cares? It hasn't made my pain threshold remarkably low, or made me incapable of recovering on my own from injuries I got as adult. Hell, I went to my junior prom right after tearing several ligaments in my wrist. I pushed a baby out without drugs. I wrote my corps exam with an all-out migraine (didn't get a very good mark, mind you). Besides, as a child, is there anything more delicious than melting into your parent's arms when you've hurt yourself?
posted by grass @ 5:11 PM
3 Comments:
At 9:47 PM ,
Shelley said...
It's not just parents, but I've seen daycare workers do it, too.
But I respectfully disagree. It's not that they aren't concerned, but that they have to assess the situation to see if it's serious or not. Say my kid falls and cries out. If she's not hurt, she'll cry a tiny bit because she's surprised, then stop. However, if she *keeps* crying, then I know she's really hurt -- and I do react appropriately.
I know from my brothers, if you jump up every time a kid cries, particularly once the kids are a bit older, the kids will ham it up for attention when it isn't an emergency. And that is *really* not fun for the caretakers!
At 10:44 PM ,
linds said...
I think this can go both ways. I think some parents are gauging the child's reaction to see if they are just startled, hurt or wanting attention. If they are little, like your LM is, then they won't do it for attention, that will obviously come later. I don't see anything wrong with a snuggle or a hug to make a child feel better or comfort them when they are hurt.
At 10:51 AM ,
Kaitlyn said...
I think that kids definately gage their degree of distress on their parent's reaction, I've seen Leila lay down on the floor, roll over and start to cry and say "ohhhhhh, mommy, my bop!!" (Bop means hurt) That said, I still usually give her a kiss on her "bop"
I think they do it for attention, but I figure if she feels like she needs a hug and a kiss, and thinks a "bop" is the best way there, well, I'm not going to deny the kid a hug.
Side note: I'm CD shopping, want to link to that entry wherer you rated stuff? Do you use mostly AIOs or fitted?
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