I Didn't Think I'd Be One of Those
You know what's crazy? When I was 12, people used to pay me $10 an hour to take care of their children. At night. For hours. Alone. I'm not sure I was even allowed to be home alone at my own place when I was 12. Were they completely insane?
D's corporate retreat is coming up in a few weeks and I just got an e-mail from the admin person saying that sitters had been booked for Friday night so we can go to dinner. I was like, say what? I guess I should have anticipated that since obviously kids won't be coming to the formal dinner, but I am totally uncomfortable leaving LM with a stranger. For one thing, he won't take the bottle anymore (but that's a whole 'nother post). For another thing, he is a relatively demanding kid and it's quite possible he'd cry the whole time which would be hard on him and the sitter. For a third thing (and let's be honest, the main factor here), I am a neurotic parent who spends way too much time on youtube and message boards reading memorials to victims of shaken baby syndrome.
It's not that I'm unwilling to be apart from him - I do leave him at least a couple of times a week to do errands, go to yoga, etc. So despite the bottle and screaming issues, I'd happily leave him with friends or relatives, or even a paid nanny if I knew her - but a strange sitter? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And I'm not sure if this attributes too much cognition to a three-month old, but I think he'd be scared in strange surroundings and with a stranger. He does know the difference between me/D and others and often cries until he is returned to me/D. I realise there's a school of thought who encourages acclimatising them to strangers so they learn to deal, and I used to believe that too. But now I kind of think that forcing that kind of interaction could be more traumatic than helpful and that at this stage in his life, it's completely unnecessary in our situation.
Before I was a parent, I never thought I'd be this protective, but I guess you surprise yourself. I wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash in the hands of a hotel employee, and LM is worth loads more than that to me.
D is understanding, but would prefer I did not skip out on dinner and the retreat is two hours away so known sitters are not an option. So tell me honestly - what would you do? When was the first time you left your child with a complete stranger (albeit a stranger who's been screened by a nanny agency and who you can hang out with for an hour beforehand)?
D's corporate retreat is coming up in a few weeks and I just got an e-mail from the admin person saying that sitters had been booked for Friday night so we can go to dinner. I was like, say what? I guess I should have anticipated that since obviously kids won't be coming to the formal dinner, but I am totally uncomfortable leaving LM with a stranger. For one thing, he won't take the bottle anymore (but that's a whole 'nother post). For another thing, he is a relatively demanding kid and it's quite possible he'd cry the whole time which would be hard on him and the sitter. For a third thing (and let's be honest, the main factor here), I am a neurotic parent who spends way too much time on youtube and message boards reading memorials to victims of shaken baby syndrome.
It's not that I'm unwilling to be apart from him - I do leave him at least a couple of times a week to do errands, go to yoga, etc. So despite the bottle and screaming issues, I'd happily leave him with friends or relatives, or even a paid nanny if I knew her - but a strange sitter? I'm not sure I'm ready for that. And I'm not sure if this attributes too much cognition to a three-month old, but I think he'd be scared in strange surroundings and with a stranger. He does know the difference between me/D and others and often cries until he is returned to me/D. I realise there's a school of thought who encourages acclimatising them to strangers so they learn to deal, and I used to believe that too. But now I kind of think that forcing that kind of interaction could be more traumatic than helpful and that at this stage in his life, it's completely unnecessary in our situation.
Before I was a parent, I never thought I'd be this protective, but I guess you surprise yourself. I wouldn't leave a million dollars in cash in the hands of a hotel employee, and LM is worth loads more than that to me.
D is understanding, but would prefer I did not skip out on dinner and the retreat is two hours away so known sitters are not an option. So tell me honestly - what would you do? When was the first time you left your child with a complete stranger (albeit a stranger who's been screened by a nanny agency and who you can hang out with for an hour beforehand)?
posted by grass @ 8:41 PM
6 Comments:
At 12:00 PM ,
Shelley said...
It's hard, and there's not a whole lot you can do to make it easier - just let go and enjoy yourself. I found that as soon as I was gone, I was able to relax and have a good time!
At 2:06 PM ,
LL said...
I would go- it will be a lovely night out for you and your husband. It's good to be a couple and not just parents every now and then. That said, I totally understand being nervous or worried about it. It sounds like you'll be close by- maybe you could stop in between cocktails and the meal, or right after the meal, or just end the evening right after dinner? However long you go, you should go for some part of it. LM will be fine. I'm sure he'd be happier with you, and I do believe he "knows" who you and your husband are, but I also think babies that young can be okay with just about any warm body that cuddles them. I have no advice on the feeding issues- maybe you can bf him right before and then come back if you need to?
Landon started going to our babysitter when he was 2.5 months old and he was just fine. It made me appreciate his cuddly little self all the more when I picked him up :) I hope you figure out what you're comfortable with and have a wonderful time!!
At 9:58 AM ,
Michelle said...
Okay, I keep coming back because I really don't know what I would do! I think it's worth trying, since you can spend time with her beforehand and definitely you can pop in for spot-checks. I can't compare when I first left mine because it wasn't until they were older (with E, there was no family around and I had no reason to use anyone else). Seth did completely lose his shit at about 8 weeks when I first left him with my own mother for a few hours, which isn't helpful of me to say, sorry! ;) Any hope of getting a dressy silk sling and just bringing him along? :)
At 10:58 AM ,
Anonymous said...
So what did you end up doing? I think it would have been okay, but I understand where you are coming from. Hope all is well. Happy Almost Chrismtas!
At 10:58 AM ,
linds said...
Oops, that last comment was from me!
linds
At 4:55 PM ,
kaitlyn said...
uhhh... I have never left my kid with a stranger. ONCE (on our wedding night) I left her with a sitter that was a younger sister of my brother's friend and our mothers are in community groups together and so maybe that counts are stranger? But, I TOTALLY understand what you're going through and I completely agree that he realizes strangers and strange places. That said, if you do go, try to relax and enjoy yourself, the first time you leave them is the absolute hardest. I left Leila over night when she was 11 months old (with my mom) and I was ready to freak out the next day when I was delayed getting back to her because OH MY GOD MY BABY. Of course, she didnt miss me at all, lol.
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