Facebook dilemmas
Facebook! I was totally addicted for a few days, but I'm starting to realise why it really is the devil. It was so great to touch base with a whole bunch of random people I haven't seen in a while, but then after a few days you realise how much do I want random strangers from my past to actually know about me?
So anyway, here are my Facebook dilemmas. I hope you can help.
1. About 10 weeks ago, my friend broke up with her long-term boyfriend. It was a pretty cold thing where he walked in and announced that while he loved her, he didn't ever want to marry her. They'd been together a few years and had lived together for part of that time. He left that night and despite the fact she tried to contact him a couple of times, he hasn't spoken to her since. She was obviously devastated... she is a great, funny, cute and smart girl who did a TONNE for him. She had booked an amazing weekend for two that they were scheduled to leave on when he dropped the bomb.
He was also a great guy - I really liked him and I can't hold the break-up against him, though perhaps it could have been handled a bit better. But my loyalty is to my friend, who I've known for 18 years. There's no question that he and I have any relationship beyond that.
Then a few days ago he sent me Facebook message, written very formally just to say hi and congratulations. It was a nice message and I wrote a brief reply just so he'd know I don't hate him. But it was weird. He's never contacted me before - probably doesn't even have my e-mail address, but I'm searchable on Facebook. I know part of him wants me to tell her that he did - so maybe some part of her thinks he's not a giant assh*le (not very articulate, but then post-break-up anger generally isn't.) Do I tell her he e-mailed me? Or does that send her into another spiral of overanalysis, wondering if he's having second thoughts? If I don't tell her, will she find out later (maybe he is having second thoughts!) and be mad that I didn't say anything?
Facebook Dilemma 2: A girl I went to high school with, a few grades above me, got in touch with me when she moved to my old town. I didn't remember her at all from high school, but had a few drinks with her since she was working at the same place as I am. Since I left that city three years ago, I've never contacted her. A few months ago she adds me once Facebook. We exchange a few wall messages and all is well.
A few days ago she writes that she's coming into town and wants to get together. I know I added you on FB, but we're not friends! I don't really have anything to tell her about. I didn't know her well to begin with and don't really know her now. I'm also incredibly busy these days what with the bar course, and I just don't feel like taking time out to see her. She's here for quite a while, so it doesn't sound plausible to say that I'm out of town for 3 weeks. I thought about lying, but my FB status might betray me! I know this sounds pretty obnoxious, and it's not that I don't like meeting people or hanging out, or making new friends. I do - and I have been making quite a bit of effort since I finished school to cultivate some of the friendships I've started - I have plans with three different sets of people this week. But this isn't about that - I just don't see myself enjoying the get-together. What do I do?
So anyway, here are my Facebook dilemmas. I hope you can help.
1. About 10 weeks ago, my friend broke up with her long-term boyfriend. It was a pretty cold thing where he walked in and announced that while he loved her, he didn't ever want to marry her. They'd been together a few years and had lived together for part of that time. He left that night and despite the fact she tried to contact him a couple of times, he hasn't spoken to her since. She was obviously devastated... she is a great, funny, cute and smart girl who did a TONNE for him. She had booked an amazing weekend for two that they were scheduled to leave on when he dropped the bomb.
He was also a great guy - I really liked him and I can't hold the break-up against him, though perhaps it could have been handled a bit better. But my loyalty is to my friend, who I've known for 18 years. There's no question that he and I have any relationship beyond that.
Then a few days ago he sent me Facebook message, written very formally just to say hi and congratulations. It was a nice message and I wrote a brief reply just so he'd know I don't hate him. But it was weird. He's never contacted me before - probably doesn't even have my e-mail address, but I'm searchable on Facebook. I know part of him wants me to tell her that he did - so maybe some part of her thinks he's not a giant assh*le (not very articulate, but then post-break-up anger generally isn't.) Do I tell her he e-mailed me? Or does that send her into another spiral of overanalysis, wondering if he's having second thoughts? If I don't tell her, will she find out later (maybe he is having second thoughts!) and be mad that I didn't say anything?
Facebook Dilemma 2: A girl I went to high school with, a few grades above me, got in touch with me when she moved to my old town. I didn't remember her at all from high school, but had a few drinks with her since she was working at the same place as I am. Since I left that city three years ago, I've never contacted her. A few months ago she adds me once Facebook. We exchange a few wall messages and all is well.
A few days ago she writes that she's coming into town and wants to get together. I know I added you on FB, but we're not friends! I don't really have anything to tell her about. I didn't know her well to begin with and don't really know her now. I'm also incredibly busy these days what with the bar course, and I just don't feel like taking time out to see her. She's here for quite a while, so it doesn't sound plausible to say that I'm out of town for 3 weeks. I thought about lying, but my FB status might betray me! I know this sounds pretty obnoxious, and it's not that I don't like meeting people or hanging out, or making new friends. I do - and I have been making quite a bit of effort since I finished school to cultivate some of the friendships I've started - I have plans with three different sets of people this week. But this isn't about that - I just don't see myself enjoying the get-together. What do I do?
Labels: friends
posted by grass @ 4:09 PM
4 Comments:
At 5:35 PM ,
Opal said...
D1: I'd let it go. You can analyse it to death, but at the end of it, it's a hello note to you and nothing more. If your friend asks, then disclose, but I think there's a difference between hiding something and just not mentioning things that are not currently relevant.
D2: You're booked for the next three weeks and can't meet up. No excuses or apologies necessary :)
At 5:37 PM ,
starbucksweetie said...
For the second girl, put her on limited profile. Go to privacy and put her on limited profile and change it that she can't see your status.
At 7:06 PM ,
portia said...
Gah, the facebook! I just got into it, and yes, after the initial excitement, I am thinking it is a bit highschoolish. I feel now like I'm wasting too much time on it. I hate when people are these casual friends that you wouldn't normally keep in touch with. I also got quite annoyed when it told me to use my work email addie, and it sent an invite to everyone on my contact list (I hadn't realized this was what it was doing) and think my big boss received one! Good gawd! Hmm, those are tricky situations. I don't know what to suggest for the first, but as long as you don't get stuck in the middle of their issues you are fine. For the second, just politely say you are very busy with the baby coming and the lawschool and can't get together.
At 4:20 PM ,
linds said...
Ahhh, facebook. I know it all too well. At first I thought it was the coolest thing ever! I mean, look at all these people I went to junior high or high school with. Then I thought about it for a minute and realized there is a reason that I am not in touch with any of these people anymore, right? So why are they my "friend" on facebook? I use the term loosely because they are not really my friends. You know? As for your dilemmas I would say, just leave both of the situations alone. You don't own anyone anything, especially people who are not your real friends. :) And maybe I am not a "real" friend either, not in real life anyways! Haha.
Post a Comment
<< Home