10 reasons it's a good thing I'm an atheist who doesn't believe in hell...
It's weird - I get really, really into Christmas. I love the trees, the glitter, the smiling at strangers on the street. But maybe it's exam stress or maybe it's just the overwhelming glee, but something about this season brings out the Grinch in me. I think it was best epitomised last year when one of those earnest people holding a clipboard outside the shops stopped me and asked "Do you like animals?" My response - "No..." and I kept on walking. Don't think they saw that coming. So here's what else reveals my grinchy side:
1. Okay for one thing, I've been enjoying this website so much - it's so mean, but it's hours of entertainment!
2. I've been hanging up on charities. Somehow I've gotten onto some bleeding heart mailing list; which is cool - I am a bit of a bleeding heart. And I have a hard time saying no... so the Wheelchair Association, the Rape Centre and the Pediatric AIDS people caught me early enough and offguard enough to donate. But the Children's Hospital and Alzheimer Society are out of luck. When they get all chatty ("Hi, how are you?") I'm rude: ("Who is this?").
3. I visit a particular forum very often; recently people posted their Christmas decorations. I opened it to get some ideas, but ended up just laughing at people's decor... even D seemed to lose some respect for me while I did it. But seriously, one of the people had a ceramic SNOWMAN nativity scene. With a snowman baby Jesus. And all the other people were like "Oh my God - I love that set!!! Where did you get it?" I mean I'm all for a little kitsch, but it wasn't ironic at all. Also? I kind of really want one.
4. You know those charities I hang up on? Well, I still use the mailing labels they send me. So my Christmas card recipients think I'm a "Proud Supporter of the Cancer Agency." But I'm not.
5. This is a really bad one - D gets an alumni magazine from his Very Prestigious University. It comes OFTEN, and there's only so much you can read about alumni of a small college. I enjoy flipping to the obituaries, and I especially like reading the obits of young people. I don't know why - maybe because the older ones are just depressing - "A died unexpectedly on December 1. He was prepared at Z Academy. (The old ones were ALL prepared somewhere.) "He became an engineer for Y corporation and survives his three children. He loved to golf." But the young ones are more interesting - maybe because their class officers aren't so used to writing them. The one today said that "X died while entertaining disabled children." I mean, did it actually happen right while he was entertaining them? Maybe singing up on stage with an acoustic guitar? I know... I know... I really would be going to hell, if it existed.
6. I don't think you need anymore to agree with my subject.
1. Okay for one thing, I've been enjoying this website so much - it's so mean, but it's hours of entertainment!
2. I've been hanging up on charities. Somehow I've gotten onto some bleeding heart mailing list; which is cool - I am a bit of a bleeding heart. And I have a hard time saying no... so the Wheelchair Association, the Rape Centre and the Pediatric AIDS people caught me early enough and offguard enough to donate. But the Children's Hospital and Alzheimer Society are out of luck. When they get all chatty ("Hi, how are you?") I'm rude: ("Who is this?").
3. I visit a particular forum very often; recently people posted their Christmas decorations. I opened it to get some ideas, but ended up just laughing at people's decor... even D seemed to lose some respect for me while I did it. But seriously, one of the people had a ceramic SNOWMAN nativity scene. With a snowman baby Jesus. And all the other people were like "Oh my God - I love that set!!! Where did you get it?" I mean I'm all for a little kitsch, but it wasn't ironic at all. Also? I kind of really want one.
4. You know those charities I hang up on? Well, I still use the mailing labels they send me. So my Christmas card recipients think I'm a "Proud Supporter of the Cancer Agency." But I'm not.
5. This is a really bad one - D gets an alumni magazine from his Very Prestigious University. It comes OFTEN, and there's only so much you can read about alumni of a small college. I enjoy flipping to the obituaries, and I especially like reading the obits of young people. I don't know why - maybe because the older ones are just depressing - "A died unexpectedly on December 1. He was prepared at Z Academy. (The old ones were ALL prepared somewhere.) "He became an engineer for Y corporation and survives his three children. He loved to golf." But the young ones are more interesting - maybe because their class officers aren't so used to writing them. The one today said that "X died while entertaining disabled children." I mean, did it actually happen right while he was entertaining them? Maybe singing up on stage with an acoustic guitar? I know... I know... I really would be going to hell, if it existed.
6. I don't think you need anymore to agree with my subject.
posted by grass @ 1:44 PM
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