on friendships

weird - i had a post a few days ago, but blogger must have eaten it. i kind of hate blogger for its lack of customisability. it's just too overly simple and kind of uninspiring. but the thought of doing up a new mt template kind of makes me tired - so i will stick with it.

i'm trying to learn to put things into perspective. i skipped school today, in large part because i didn't want to deal with particular people in an organisation i'm involved in. they e-mail me 10 times a day! and even for a webgeek like me that's kind of overkill. so i'm avoiding. it's so ridiculously unimportant in the grand scheme of things that i should just deal with it. but i tend to get hung up on things, and this is the current hang-up.

we had a party yesterday. it's always a bit of a shocker to realise that yes, we do actually have enough friends to throw a decent shindig. i made these awesome halloween ice cubes that looked like eyeballs - made of olives and radishes. they were a huge hit.

beforehand i had that total panic that it would be like my 15th birthday and no one would come. unfortunately d and i are fairly alike in this respect and always tend to underestimate our own likeability - which is odd because we each see the other as utterly likeable.

despite the successful party, i'm having trouble focussing on the positive. there's a group of girls i am friends with. i invited six or so, but only two came. of course i was thrilled with the two that did come, as they are wonderful women. but i was a little distressed at the others not coming. one of them never even e-mailed me back though we used to be quite good friends.

law school can get you trapped in this weird high school mentality. the reality is - i don't really care about the people who didn't come. there were lots of people there who were more interesting and fun. but i'm stuck in this weird mentality where i feel outcast because they obviously don't value me enough as a person to cultivate their friendships with me. and they should! because i am interesting! and fun! why don't they realise that! why do i still feel like i'm 15 in a mark's work warehouse shirt and doc martens lamenting about being misunderstood?

i will try to do the adult thing and not spend another iota of energy on them - either trying to be friends or worrying about it. but i must make sure to transfer that unspent energy into other friend endeavours, or i will find myself sorely lacking.