Remedies

Well we still haven't implemented our sleep plan because we're away on vacation (hence the lack of posts). It's wonderful - I'm listening to the rain right now and staring at the ocean mere metres away from my window. I think I may even have a glass of wine.

And miracle of miracles, LM's sleep has improved tremendously. I don't know if it's the sea air, the white noise machine, the darker room, the change of environment or what - but I'll take it! He's now taking a short morning nap and a nice long afternoon one, and sleeping a good four or five hours before his first wake-up. It's heavenly. So I'm hoping (and praying I don't jinx myself) that this all means that he is ready to go through the very gradual program we have planned for when we get back.

He's got another fever tonight. Perhaps it's my anxiety over going back to work, but it does worry me. Before we hired the sleep consultant I took him to a naturopath. It was partly because I figured maybe she'd have some suggestions and I could rule out any other causes of his sleep issues. But the main reason I went was because he has had a cough (one of several he's had in his life) for over a month and he has these wretched little fevers every couple of weeks. He's healthy and thriving in every other way and there doesn't appear to be any traditional medical cause, so I guess it's just a part of babyhood, but I do find it stressful. The naturopath gave me some fabulous diaper rash cream that works wonders and some supplements that appear to have cleared up the cradle cap he's had for months, but the cough is still there.

2.4

So we got the plan from the sleep consult*nt and I am so happy with it! It's very gradual and involves slowly weaning him of his feeds and slowly reducing our "involvement" in his sleep, so to speak. So it will take a while but I think it will work for our family. I am feeling so much better about my ability to follow-through and the trade-offs that it involves (i.e. him not in the bed anymore.) If it works, I'll be a very happy mama. We are on vacation, so we'll start when we get home, but right now I'm feeling really good about it.

Right now I am trying to enjoy my last 2.4 weeks of mat leave (but who's counting??) I was sitting next to a woman on the ferry the other day who has a very tiny baby - with those spidery fingers sort of aimlessly clawing at its face, and the tiny little ears and the wobbly head and furrowed brow and sleepy exaggerrated yawns. It looked so miniature, like a doll that they advertise in magazines, but just beautiful. I can't believe it was almost a year since LM was that tiny and fragile and dependent. And I can't believe it's already been almost a year!

Sleep Updates

Sleep has been a challenge in this household for many months. Little Man slept fantastically the first night we brought him home, waking only every 3 or four hours for the first several weeks. Looking back on it, it was bliss. Four months in, we had some major sleep regressing and basically it's been a roller-coaster ever since. There have been some times in there where LM has only woken two or three times a night (and by night I mean from the time I go to bed, not from the time he goes to bed) but there are still many, many nights when he is up seven, eight or nine times and in fact, in the last month that pattern has been more often than not. I don't think he's had a three-hour stretch since we moved.

It's not that I'm trying to make him conform to some idea of how he should sleep - when he wakes up he clearly needs to sleep more; he's tired, disoriented and crying, but he just can't seem to realise that he should just roll over, close his eyes, and wait a minute or two to see if he'll doze off again.

I've tried a variety of things over the past few months, and I've alternated between feeling very Zen and at peace with the fact that he's up all the time, and being extremely frustrated. I've tried to rid myself of my preconceptions about what I should or shouldn't do - I've become a sleep agnostic. I've read half a dozen books that are all over the spectrum, from Dr. Sears to Weissbluth. They all contain some good, and some terrible advice. A brief history of my efforts:

• at four months I tried a technique to get him to fall asleep in his crib; it worked wonderfully, but very temporarily and a month later he wouldn't go near the thing;

• at six months I tried to nightwean; we did get some longer stretches for a while, but it was an abbreviated success;

• at eight months I started to leave him to cry himself back to sleep if he woke up within three hours of falling back to sleep; it worked at reducing how often he woke up, but only for a short period and a month later he was back to being up every 20 minutes;
  

• at ten months we tried full-fledged CRY-IT-OUT with a capital C! Yes, the very same thing I said I was "vehemently opposed to" six months earlier. Well, at that time, I had a much smaller baby and the thought of letting him cry alone was repugnant, but after ten months of sleep deprivation, it starts to seem like a pretty good idea - if it works. I am still vehemently opposed to it in some ways. For one thing, I think it's over-used as a method; it is presented as a great choice to many people whose kids sleep just fine, only up once or twice, or who are still quite young. And everyone tries to justify it as if you are "teaching" your baby some new skill by doing it. Bullshit - I was doing it for myself, and you know what? That's okay! If you get your cure, I don't think there's anything (really) wrong with letting a kid fuss for a few nights. But the other misleading thing about the "CIO" method is that it is always presented as a miracle cure, and it's not. If it had worked for me, I'd be singing its praises - but I think it's important to realise it's not for all kids, especially not one as determined and opposed to sleeping as LM is. We were quite hardcore, and we let him cry for well over an hour more than once. I cringe to think about it now, but at the time I really could not go in that room - I was so damn frustrated that he was awake. But by night seven the kid was still crying for extended periods (not fussing - SCREAMING) and I was done. Sure, eventually he fell asleep, but we were all miserable in the meantime and he seemed even more upset and shaken by the time he woke up again. I don't regret doing it - at least now we know it's not for us and I don't think anyone suffered any permanent psychological damage as a result (except maybe our tenant).
  

So now we're back at square one. LM has his good nights - like tonight; he's only been up twice since he went down two and a half hours ago (yes, that's a good night). Other nights he can be up almost every 20 minutes; he can have awake periods in the middle of the night for an hour where he won't tolerate being left alone; he can be up at 8:30 one day and 5:30 the next. And he never naps more than 45 minutes but wakes up cranky.

In a perfect world, I'd love to just keep meeting his needs - rocking him back to sleep, nursing him down, patting his little bum for ten minutes at a time. And if it worked consistently, maybe I would. But as it is, I am just so over this whole sleep-deprivation thing. Every night is a new and different challenge and it stresses me out more than any other aspect of parenting. So I've hired a sleep consult*nt. We've exchanged lots of information, and I'll be having a chat with her tomorrow on the phone.

I'm nervous - not about whether there will be crying; undoubtedly there will be a little, but honestly, there's a lot of crying about sleep these days despite all our efforts to make it positive and wonderful. I am anxious about my ability to be consistent - I know she doesn't think any sort of co-sleeping is compatible with her methods. I don't fully buy that aspect of sleep myself - I think it's normal and natural to share a bed with someone. But I'm also not opposed to him sleeping alone if it means that we are all sleeping better. Up until now, giving up the option of having him in the bed wasn't a sacrifice I was willing to make. But I think I am ready now - I'll be back at work so our daytime naps together won't happen anyway. And I like having my bed to myself in the evenings. Besides, I'm sure the occasional morning snuggle or weekend family snooze will be fine once he is sleeping better. But basically, I just want someone to tell me what to do. I'm tired (literally) of trying to figure it out myself.

I'm not sure when we will implement - we have a little more summer travel to do, so we may wait until that's over. But I don't want to wait too long as I want to have it established before I head back to work permanently.

Does anyone else have a baby who sleeps like this? Because I don't know anyone else who does; I have friends who still struggle with sleep - their child is up two or three times. But nine or ten? It's crazy. Anyway, if you have ANY sleep advice, I'd love to hear it. I'm curious about what has worked for you.